For Children
by atlasblue85
Summary: Clint and Natasha talk about their future. One shot.


**A/N: This is my first fanfic pretty much ever but after the movie I just became obsessed with these two! I'm not even sure if this is any good so I'd love any and all feedback! Thanks for reading! Also, I don't own anything, etc, etc. **

They had never really talked about it before, not like now, not like this. The subject had been alluded to, touched upon, skirted around, but never addressed properly. But now here they were, and neither of them could really remember how the train of conversation led to this point; all they knew was there was no going back now.

"You know I can't be away from work for that long. Hell, forget even the fact that they'd never let me, I wouldn't want to. And that's just the tip of the iceberg." Natasha was frustrated but adamant and Clint just didn't seem to want to let it go.

"Well then what about adopting?"

"So you want to get into the rest of the iceberg, then?"

"It's an option, a possibility," Clint argued.

"No, it's not," Natasha countered, "nothing is. We don't have options. We have jobs."

"So you mean taking care of it, raising it, that's the issue."

"That's one of the issues, yes, but ok. Let's start with that. I'm not going to be a stay at home mother. That's not what I want; it's never been what I wanted."

"I know that. And I don't want that for you."

"And I know that was never part really of your plan, either. So where does that leave us?"

"I suppose normal people would get a baby sitter or…"

Natasha cut him off. "Or who? Parents? Friends? Neither of us have either of those. Hell, we don't even have our own place."

"Ok, but say we did. Have a place and someone to help out. Then what?"

"Then we'd still have these jobs, these lives. We'd still be us. They barely let us have a night off once a month but we'd need to have just about every night off. You know they would never allow it. God, they barely allow us to be together at all, but they know better than to piss off their two best people."

Clint smiled a bit at that. The beginning of their relationship certainly had been a trial. They'd spent months dancing and when they finally got together, even more hiding from the boss. Eventually he sat them down and told them that no one was thrilled about it, that it was going against all protocol, that anyone else would be fired for it, but after New York everyone knew the two of them were indispensable. They were, however, still on thin ice.

"What if we weren't, though?"

"Weren't what?"

"Their two best people. What if we weren't… anything? Just two normal people, with normal jobs, normal lives. An apartment, friends, boring desk jobs, maybe a cat."

"Daydreaming is…"

"For children, yeah, I know. But don't tell me you haven't thought about it. At least a little bit."

Natasha was silent for a moment, staring off at nothing, thoughts running through her mind.

"Yes, ok? Yes." She turned to him. "I have thought about it. But…" She fell silent again, searching for something she didn't quite know how to say. Finally she was able to cobble something together that she knew only he would really understand. "When I started this job, not even here, but just this way of life, it was made very clear that family was completely out of the question. That there was no way to meet people outside of this and ever if I did pull that off, they could never know the truth. And if I cared about someone they could be used against me, would always be a weakness." She smiled to herself. "I guess that's how I finally understood that I cared about you. I mean, as more than just a partner on the job. Loki used you against me and, well, maybe it wasn't all acting in there. They probably never took into account someone on the inside. But the point is I was fine with it – fine with never having a family, just me against the world. Then, well you know the rest, I suppose."

Now it was Clint's turn to be silent. Of course he knew. He knew better than anyone. She could have been talking about his own thought process. He looked up at her.

"I know. But sometimes the nightmares, the things that keep me awake, they're not about what has happened, what I've done, but about the things I'll never have. That haunts me just as much and some night even more."

"Do you really want it that badly?" Clint looks away again, and Natasha's next words are almost too soft to hear. "If I were to have a family with anyone, you know it would be you."

"I know."

They sit in silence for a long while, side by side, not touching, but still very much together. Finally Clint speaks again.

"I don't regret it, you know. Any of it. This life, all the things I've done. Because you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Tasha, and I wouldn't trade any of the things we've done together for the world."

"Me either," Natasha replies. She looks at him for a long moment, then rests her head on his shoulder as he wraps his arms around her waist. And they know.

Know that they never can have that life they both do dream about, never be a typical all-American family with a dog and a fence and a car, never be anything other than this. But they know that no matter what they're in it together. They will always have each other and despite the nightmares and the dreams, that will always be enough.


End file.
